Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you never un-have a 4some
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