Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize