i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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