Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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