For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
