i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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