I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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