Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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