She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
