actually, I'm a sock model
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
