She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
