Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
