I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
only if we run a train.
done.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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