If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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