how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
