Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your face is a jimmy john
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
