your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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