you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
