At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
