Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize