You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
