he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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