Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
