Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
