They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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