pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
