That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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