Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
