the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
