I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
