Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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