Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
