wanna go halves on a baby?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
