I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
