Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
