I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
