she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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