...so i touched it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
