Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
