It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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