Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
