I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize