Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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