i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
