I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
