Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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