Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
