Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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