I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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