I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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