and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
