I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
