What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
