do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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