I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
