matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
