I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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