Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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