I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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