Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
