i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As shirtless as possible
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
