I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
