this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did i just pee glitter
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
