Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Randomize
