I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
