Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
