Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
