i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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