If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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