Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish i was in the wii world.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize