You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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