i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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