Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this just has baby written all over it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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