Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
