This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
