Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
