Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
