i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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