you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
