wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
