I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize